GTA IV - The Ballad of Gay Tony

One of the more memorable quest givers from GTA IV was Brucie - an air-kickboxing, testosterone pumped, extreme-alpha male stereotype, he was always such an interesting rant on missions:

*  "Well I was nearly going to say as tight as my abs, but nothing is as tight as this, come on, you wanna feel?"
*  "I'm injecting bull shark testosterone, imported it from Siberia!"
*  "Brucie does not do five hundred crunches a day so he can cuddle f*cking cellulite!"

In Gay Tony, they introduce Mori - Brucie's older brother.  Having Brucie deal with his Napoleonic older brother - was - priceless.  He was reduced to a stuttering pitiable spineless klutz.  Brilliant.

The main character is a wise talking ex-street thug, and you have mission character stereotypes: 

• Tony: Flamboyant nightclub owner and you're partner.
• Rocco: Typical gangster.
• Mori: Brucie's Brother, hyper alpha male - wants to steal cars and race.
• Yusuf: The spoiled son of an Arab businessman, obsessed with stealing what he can't buy.
• Bulgarin: Insane Russian mobster.
• Your Homies: steal drugs from rival dealers.

I guess my biggest complaint would be that they really dialed-in the story, it really is just a series of missions with no purpose.  Tony borrows money from the wrong people, and you offer yourself as contract killer to his loan sharks.  Steal this.  Blow up these.  Kill those guys.  Walk into ambush.  Game over.

Still - this game is worth way more than the price of a pack of gum that they charge.

Spelunky

Simply put - you're a miner, trying to survive as deep as possible.  If you make it past 4 levels meeting certain criteria (having X number of bombs for example), "Tunnel Man" opens up a direct access portal from the top.  It's 2 - 10 minutes of Mario meets Indiana Jones, a spiritual successor to the old Apple II game Aztec to date myself.


Levels are randomly generated, but every 4 levels is themed.  I've survived the mines and the jungle so far - I am working on the ice caves now, and have made it to some sort of temple at the end - but I haven't completed Tunnel Man's quest.

While the controls are similar to Mario, the randomness sends it off the rails.  I have to battle with my inner demon who wants to speed jump every pit and take risks, it's a fast paced game but you have to play carefully.  There are impassable death traps you have to go bomb through, there is tempting treasure and maidens to rescue and you will have to decide if it's first possible but then worth it.

Two things this game did perfect -
1. No long reset:  You die, no big long cut scene of the arch enemy gloating, click a quick restart button - back in the action.  It makes it hard to stop ...

2. Level "Specials": With each level generated at random, sometimes they seed more creative things - as an example, occasionally I would get a "The dead are restless!" message upon entering a level.  It would be undead themed with extra exits, hidden doorways to castles, etc.  I get the sense that I will never "see it all".

I will probably keep playing this game for a while.

GTA IV - The Lost & Damned

With GTA V's PC release looming so close - I figured it was about time to finally finish up the Lost & Damned DLC!

This is a standalone game, you play as Johnny - leader of a biker gang, and it's got brilliant character acting, worth every cent.  I only wish I played this closer to when I had played the original, the story runs in parallel with Niko's  - and it would have been nice to remember that more clearly since there were obvious reference points that would have made me go "oooohhhhhhh! That's where he ..." I'm sure.

... and I'm reminding how fantastic this game is.  This is a game that makes you feel a slow-mo-walk-from-the-explosion kind of badass.  Nothing like hoping on your custom Harley to go chase after some baddies and having "Run to the Hills" blare on the radio, I was rocking out to perfect fitting disco beats and staying in the car to listen to the last bit of an insane talk radio rant.


I want to play 5 so bad now ...

Steam says I have 16 hours, but I'd guess more about 12 - I got caught in some stupid replay situations that I could have avoided if I prepared a little better.  Getting a SUV, burger, bulletproof vest and about 1000 rounds made every mission easy.

Dead Island: Riptide - In Conclusion

It's over.  I sprinted down the main quest line and got an ending that showed all the people I have met along the way dying in some horrific way.  I assumed this was because I stopped performing their monkey-quests, collecting heirloom postcards and whatnot.  I've since looked on youtube for the good ending, and I'm just going to say "perhaps no one else bothered to do all the quests".  I can't find a good ending...

A friend of mine gifted a phrase that I've tried to take to heart - "Some people look at things as baggage, others look and see luggage."

So what would make a zombie game epic.

You could go the Dead Rising route, make a 'Day of the Dead' shopping mall zombie combo point kill machine kind of game, any number of ways - but I'm talking about the zombie survival game that I want to play.

* It should be hard.  Once these games teach you the mechanic of braining a zombie, it becomes a matter of your personal skill getting better and upgrading your weapons - coupled with getting stupid zombie AI to walk at you in a straight line.  The sweaty hands are gone after that first encounter.  Melee weapons shouldn't last through 50 zombies, swords should get wedged into skulls and stuck in rib cages - being attacked by two should be surrounded.  They should be relentless, and very hard to kill.  Surviving or getting away should be an accomplishment itself, and "killing the horde" - never an option.

* It should make me feel something.  I need to rescue twins, but as we're walking back - notice one of them has a bite mark and have to handle it.  I need to feel connected so strongly to something, that when some other survivor takes it from me - I open the front doors and run through the horde because it's that important.   Quests should be about survival, not about luxury - and you should have some sort of time pressure fear when going out not just of the danger, but of the safety of your precious cargo at base (medical emergencies, starvation, fellow survivor problems, weight of horde on the fence, need to sleep,...).

* It should have no leveling up and be open if enabled to player vs. player abuses.  There is a reward for working together, but a reward (and penalty) for playing the player criminal  .. (DayZ, Rust, etc.)

Build this - and I'll pay your stupid console price.

Dead Island: Riptide - Part 2

It was late and I took a really hard look at at everything else before deciding that I would play a mission or two in Dead Island: Riptide.  My goal is to stay on the main quest line, I haven't been playing for the pleasure of sass-talking zombie mayhem because frankly it's a little tame compared to the hilarity that was Borderlands 2.  I logged in, smashed the face of a few zombies and saw my quest beacon was on the other side of the island ...

I play the big blunt-wielding, blunt-smoking rapper, Sam B - which forces my hand to a certain play style, wading through the horde like a brute with my giant sledge hammer smashing skulls.  The downside to this is it's typically slow-going initially to avoid the "jump scare" zombies by kicking everything dead but not by you and essentially playing a game of zombie-pick-up-sticks - trying not to wake up too many at once and leaving a trail of broken skulls behind.  There's a comfort point you get to after you play a game for a while when you feel good enough to run past the 'junk zombies' and get on with your quest ... I tried to channel that, and it worked pretty well.  I sprinted to quest hand-in, triggered Fury-modem glow-fist punched zombies in half, I was feeling pretty good about myself.

Then someone twice my level (63 I think) joined my game and I think took sympathy when he I was walking in circles trying to find the my way into a building.  He played escort to me for the next few quest and I was a kept man at that point, the most damage I took was trying to dodge the electrocuted zombies he left smoking in his wake as he ran.

Even though this was a gross abuse of the game as I was power-leveled - I did get to watch some of the cut-scenes without the distraction of an hours wading through the waters of the island rivers.  Now I can honestly say ... you really should skip them.  I think the developers thought of the cut-scenes as bookends to missions rather than a chance to tell an amazing story, or compel me to play further.  "Go here - gather that - barricade here - kill zombies - defend zombies - repeat".

I'm playing an expansion pack that they disguised as a new game.

I just hope I can find a sugar daddy to take me through the rest of the missions...

Dead Island: Riptide - Part 1

There are some games out there that I've played in the past and been really excited about the potential I see for the future with them.  Assassin's Creed is a great example of this, it was a beautiful engine with no story - has turned into a crazy epic adventure.  Guitar Hero is another good example - start with a single guitar, branch into Rockband, eventually end up at Rocksmith.  One of these days I'll reflect on the original GTA ...

I'm a huge fan of zombie survival games - Dead Island had a lot of potential, I think we should reflect on the original promo video to remember:

Dead Island as a game was meh-kay, I was into it while we were around the resort areas - but once we got to a prison, I had checked out of whatever story it was trying to give me in between waves of "Tanks" and etc. - I think I might have also been killing some Abstergo/Umbrella/Zombrex military guys too.

Dead Island lacked, in my humble opinion - a cohesive kick-ass story.  Like the first season of a t.v. show it was very episodal -- "fetch this teddy bear" mission-ish, but the potential was there for a great season two. One of the biggest problem is the reliance on melee weapons in the first person perspective.  It's tough to create any sort of realistic swinging action -- and it ends up being a weird mechanic to work around, I start my slow-ass swing and move into hit range and back, bungie jump swinging.  It's just weird ... I bet I would like this game more if it adopted the Dead Rising 3rd person perspective, or had chosen a class that specialized in guns (if they include ammo for them...), then I could at least feel a little bit tough.

So when Dead Rising : Riptide came out, I was stupid excited ...

Not only is this game a recycled mess, but it's a recycled mess.  (see what I did there?)

The game begins where the last left off, as your ship is leaving the area - suprise!  Infected!  Ship crashes into - and I wish I were kidding - another resort island.  You get to set up bases, hunt for teddy bears and fight the same zombies you fought in Dead Rising.

Shovelware.  I'm 22% through the main story - if anything changes, ANYTHING.  I'll be soooo happy.

To The Moon & Organization

It's back to the daily work grind, so I imagine games to span multiple days.

I cleaned up my list a bit, removing a few:
Dragon Nest - free-to-play MMO downloaded for the boys
Dungeon Party - free-to-play multiplayer arcade
Garry's Mod - no real objective, just a modelling room really
Lone Survivor - I've already played through most of this, and don't want to suffer it again.
Rising Storm - This was free with Red Orchestra 2
Rocksmith 2014 - Not even sure why this was on there...
Sniper Elite - Sniper Elite V2 was on the list.
Starseed Pilgrim - Played already, ... enough.

---

But I played "To The Moon" - Episode 1 of an indie company story game where you play scientists that are supposed to search through someone's memories to adjust and give them a different life path memory in the last few moment of their life.

I bought this game based on community feedback and a reddit thread that asked "what games make you cry?"  I should try to find that thread again and read what exactly about it makes you cry.  I got choked up at a few points on purpose, imagining my own life and if I would change anything or would nothing keep me from my wife/family, but mainly I found it to be an exercise in how much I will tolerate in order to get story to progress.  I won't suffer this again.

The game plays in old japanese RPG fashion, where the user has to search scenes for "memory icons" in order to progress to the next memory, meanwhile scenes from the old mans past plan in reverse.  They tug at the obvious heart strings - this is a lonely old guy with no heirs or friends left alive, whose autistic wife who couldn't bear him children died years before - and you're stepping back through the major moments of his relationship with his wife played as goofy 8-bit RPG with scientific observers making sarcastic remarks while hunting for clue bubbles.

That feeling where you're like "oh please let this be the end?" - and you see "Act 3" appear on the screen.  This game has that.

If I could go back and apply these 4 hours to any other game - if I could beat my record for solving expert Mine Sweeper, I would feel I would have made about the same level of life accomplishment.  It's not because the story is bad, it's just - predictable in every way.  They try repeatedly to punch you in the sad, delivering a very plain "I wouldnt' change a thing" story "even if they force me to change, somehow we would end up together" love story with a terrible slow frustrating navigation to click-through-dialog delivery system.

To the Moon - do not want, I delete you.

Deadpool

Deadpool

Time to play: 10 hours
Originally Bought: Dec 28, 2013

Deadpool is not your average comic book character.  He is a mockery, a cartoon set within the comic world.  He is the type of character that is believable that he could pull a super-mega bazooka out that he had hidden behind his back.  So it's only natural that the video game featuring Deadpool would be layered realities of absurdity.... and it is.

The gameplay has been reported as terrible, and it is pretty bad - but shame on anyone who thought it would be better.  You don't go to an Ace Ventura movie thinking it's going to be great moviemaking - you go for the stupid fun of it.

To the right person, in the right frame mind, taken properly - Deadpool can be like sweet Jazz.

I'm playing on Easy mode so I not only don't have to suffer replaying waves of bad guys, but it keeps that feeling of badassity.  The game is a pretty fun fun ride and embraces breaking the 4th wall entirely, one of the highlights from my first play was he ended up spending all his money in the beginning of level 1, so everything had to go 8-bit for a while - now he has to fight D-list villains.

Unfortunately, this game isn't available on Steam anymore.  I'm glad I bought it in the end of year sale!

Antichamber

Antichamber

Time to play: 90 minutes
Originally Bought: July 12, 2013

I'll confess it took someone else encouraging me to play this game for me to even try it.  Even though it had a fantastic rating on Steam, something in the marketing images made me believe this was some sort of Escher-esque maze I was going to have to work really hard to wrap my brain around - and I hate feeling like the mouse who can't find the cheese, and this one seemed ... hard? if not simplistic looking.

The game is amazing.  Their description IS pretty accurate, but it's less of a rat maze - and more of a drug/dream sequence, that's guided by both rigid literal rules ("Don't look behind you.") that make you want to resist and broad rules that you might not understand until ... you understand them.  ("Moving forward is backwards.")  Additionally, some things just need to be experienced..,

This is a game designed to mess with your mind.  My advice - strap in and go for it.

I'm actually not positive I finished - I'm not even sure how to know if I've finished at this point.  I mean, there was an exit door I could have walked through but I explored other puzzles instead.  I've made it to numerous dead end points that encourage me to "Esc" back to the starting room - but I can't tell from the map if there are unexplored points.



"Antichamber is a mind-bending psychological exploration game where nothing can be taken for granted. Discover an Escher-like world where hallways wrap around upon each other, spaces reconfigure themselves, and accomplishing the impossible may just be the only way forward."

Already Beaten?

"Neither wind nor rain will keep me from my task,

I will hunt through the darkest of nights, 

I will brace myself against the dread wind that tries to blind me from my goals.

Hunger will not stay me, thirst will not thwart me from this manxome foe.

I will not tarry from this vision, nor rest until my quest is done."

But last night, I kind of just fell asleep.

Steam Steam Go Away

I'm sure I can't be the only one addicted to Steam Sales.

There is something about 75% off a game that I might play that is just too attractive for me to resist.  I haven't been collecting long, but I have been collecting enthusiastically.  At this point, my backlog of games has grown to a point where it needs attention, there are too many games to play - and I really have no idea where to start. 

I need a different approach.  So a buddy of mine and I have amassed our lists, and have challenged each other - come as close to 0 steam game backlog by the end of the year.  Obviously this needs a bit more defining - as some of the games you buy are bundles, and some I buy merely for the "bookshelf" OCD need to have a whole collection or pay homage to a developer I love.  Here are our basic rules:

1. You must get the end-game achievement to mark the game as "beaten." Difficulty doesn't matter.
2. If the game has no win condition, like Team Fortress, you have to either get 50% of the achievements or play at least 10 hours, whichever comes first.
3. For MMOs, you can mark the game as beaten with 10 hrs. of play. However, if you get a character to max level, you can mark another game on your list as beaten for free!
4. If you've already beaten the game on another system, you can mark it as won, but only if you didn't purchase it on Steam. In other words, if you bought it, you have to play it.
5. You can buy new games whenever you want, but they're added to the list.

Obviously not every game fits this mold, but on a game by game basis we might adjust what it takes to "win" a particular game.  Pinball FX2 is a good example of this, there are two people on my list that I know I will never beat - so getting 3rd place on my tables is probably a good goal for all of my purchased tables.

I will be using this blog as a way to both motivate me to continue and help to keep this whole process from becoming one be big blur of epic-terrible-awesome-lame in memory.

To make this a truly soul cleansing experience, I am going to not only include games that I've bought on Steam, but also XBOX 360, XBLA and iPhone games that I've purchased "with intent to play".

Now where to start ...

Steam Games:

* Amnesia: The Dark Descent

* Anna

* Antichamber

* Audiosurf

* The Ball

* Battlefield: Bad Company 2

* Borderlands 2

* Braid

* The Bridge

* Brothers - A tale of Two Sons

* Call of Juarez Gunslinger

* Company of Heroes

* Company of Heroes: Opposing Fronts

* Contagion

* Cook, Serve, Delicious!

* Damned

* Dark Souls: Prepare to Die Edition

* Darkest Hour: Europe '44-'45

* Darksiders II

* DC Universe Online

* Dead Island Riptide

* Deadlight

* Deadpool

* Dishonored

* Divinity II: Developer's Cut

* Don't Starve

* Dragon Age: Origins - Ultimate Edition

* Dragon Nest

* Dragon's Lair

* Dragon's Lair 2: Time Warp

* Dungeon Party

* Dwarfs!?

* Endless Space

* Fallout: New Vegas

* Far Cry 3

* Far Cry 3 - Blood Dragon

* FTL : Faster Than Light

* Game of Thrones

* Garry's Mod

* Grand Theft Auto: Episodes from Liberty City

* Half Minute Hero: Super Mega Neo Climax

* Half Life 2

* Half Life 2: Episode One

* Half Life 2: Episode Two

* Half Life 2: Lost Coast

* Hammerwatch

* Hitman 2: Silent Assassin

* Hitman: Codename 47

* Hitman: Sniper Challenge

* How To Survive

* I Am Alive

* The Incredible Adventures of Van Helsing

* Killing Floor

* King's Bounty: The Legend

* Legend of Grimrock

* Lone Survivor: The Director's Cut

* The Lord of the Rings Online

* The Lord of the Rings: War in the North

* Lucius

* Magic 2014

* Mark of the Ninja'

* McPixel

* Metro 2033

* Might & Magic: Heroes VI

* Monaco

* Mantague's Mount

* MX vs ATV Reflex

* Nexuiz

* No More Room in Hell

* Numen: Contest of Heroes

* Outlast

* Painkiller Hell & Damnation

* Painkiller: Black Edition

* Payday: The Heist

* Penumbra: whichever is latest

* PixelJunk Eden

* Primordia

* Prince of Persia: The Sands of Time

* RAGE

* Red Faction: whichever is latest

* Red Orchestra: whichever is latest

* Resident Evil 6

* Reus

* Risen 2 - Dark Waters

* Rising Storm

* Rollercoaster Tycoon 3

* STALKER: Shadow of Chernobyl

* The Shivah

* SimCity 4 Deluxe

* Sins of a Solar Empire: Rebellion

* Sniper Elite

* Sniper Elite V2

* Spec Ops: The Line

* Star Wars: KOTOR II

* Starbound

* Starseed Pilgrim

* State of Decay

* SteamWorld Dig

* Supreme Commander: whichever is latest

* The Swapper

* Team Fortress

* Terraria

* The Testament of Sherlock Holmes

* Time Gentlemen, Please!

* Titan Quest: latest

* To the Moon

* Tomb Raider

* Trine 2

* The Void

* Warframe

* Warhammer 40k Space Marine

* The Witcher

* XCOM: Enemy Unknown

* You Don't Know Jack 2

* You Don't Know Jack 3

* You Don't Know Jack 4

* You Don't Know Jack 5

* You Don't Know Jack 6

* You Don't Know Jack Headrush

* You Don't Know Jack Movies

* You Don't Know Jack Sports

* You Don't Know Jack Television

XBOX 360 Games:

* Dante's Inferno

* Pirate's of the Carribean

* Witcher 2

* Prince of Persia - The FOrgotten Sands

* Watchmen : The End Is Nigh

* Duke Nuke 'Em - ...

* Resident Evil V

* Alan Wake + Expansion Packs

* Diablo 3 (specifically X360 version)

* Reckoning

* Assassin's Creed 3

* Assassin's Creed 4

* Disney Infinity

* Call of Duty: Black Ops 2

* Tomb Raider : Anniversary

* You Don't Know Jack

* Driver

* Field & Stream

* RAGE

* Avatar

* The Walking Dead - Season One

XBLA Games:

* Alien Breed 1* Alien Breed 2

* Crimson Alliance

* Daggerdale

* Costume QUest

* Gatling Gears

* Ghostbusters

* Insanely Twisted SP

* Warhammer KIll Team

* Lara Croft: Guardian of Light

* Orcs Must Die

* Outland

* The Maw

* Stacking

* The Walking Dead

* Zombie Apocalypse - Never Die Alone

iPhone Games that bear mention:

* The Wolf Among Us (same dev as The Walking Dead season games)